New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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