I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
