in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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