good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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Actions speak louder than pants.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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