I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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