I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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