TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
