SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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