she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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