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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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