I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize