ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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