I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
