We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The air taste purple.
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