I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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