I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
