Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
