My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
