At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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