I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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