His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Randomize
