Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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