okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
