Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
love makes seman taste better
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
