i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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