I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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