So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
