It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she looked like the before picture.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
