i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
