So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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