some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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