I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
