My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
