put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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