Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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