Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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