im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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