i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
