ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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