I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
