My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
