Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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