sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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