I feel like I'm in dance class right now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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