I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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