The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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