Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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