I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
