I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
did i walk over a car last night?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
