the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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