U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
