Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
