I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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