i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
