good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Randomize
