the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
