ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
